The human brain is like.... eh.
When you're unemployed, you rarely have to do things that require thought. After long periods of inactivity, the mind will melt away, like a banana in a hurricane. That analogy, like Helen Keller, was completely senseless. If you don't use your brain, it will turn to mush, like some other thing that is also mushy. As you can see, it's too late for me. My mind is gone, but there's still hope for you. Read on to learn how to keep your brain alive.
DO NOT GO ON YOUTUBE- It starts off innocently enough- you just wanted to check out a music video. You notice on the right side of your screen a link to a video that has a cute animal in it. You will be tempted to click it, but you must not. On average, cute animal (or baby) videos kill approximately 10 brain cells per viewing. The more adorable the video, the more of a danger it is to your brain cells. The same basic principle applies to videos of people getting hurt, farting, or dancing (only in this case, the fatter the person, the more dangerous the video). If you find yourself posting comments on videos, you'll know your brain has been irreparably damaged.
DO NOT WATCH DAYTIME TV- It is an indisputable fact that watching anything that airs on basic cable between the hours of 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. will make you stupid.
GET A HOBBY- But hobbies are for losers, you might be thinking. Well guess what, Bucko... you're a loser now! You don't even wear pants anymore, for crying out loud! You need to find something to do with yourself! I recommend choosing some form of exercise as a hobby, because you're probably fat now from all the Doritos, cheap booze, and video games.
GO OUTSIDE- Not only because a little fresh air and sunshine will awaken your senses, but because you probably smell terrible from wearing the same clothes and sitting on your ass all week... you could stand to air out a little.
KEEP LOOKING FOR WORK- We both know you're worthless. You'll need to trick people into thinking you're capable of doing things. That's going to require some brain power. Also, looking for work reinforces the idea that you're not going to be unemployed forever. At some point, you will re-enter society. There's hope for you yet, if you can keep your brain (or what's left of it) alive.
Heed my advice! If you don't, you'll become totally useless, like an Apple store in Amish country. Or some other thing that is also useless.
When you're unemployed, you rarely have to do things that require thought. After long periods of inactivity, the mind will melt away, like a banana in a hurricane. That analogy, like Helen Keller, was completely senseless. If you don't use your brain, it will turn to mush, like some other thing that is also mushy. As you can see, it's too late for me. My mind is gone, but there's still hope for you. Read on to learn how to keep your brain alive.
DO NOT GO ON YOUTUBE- It starts off innocently enough- you just wanted to check out a music video. You notice on the right side of your screen a link to a video that has a cute animal in it. You will be tempted to click it, but you must not. On average, cute animal (or baby) videos kill approximately 10 brain cells per viewing. The more adorable the video, the more of a danger it is to your brain cells. The same basic principle applies to videos of people getting hurt, farting, or dancing (only in this case, the fatter the person, the more dangerous the video). If you find yourself posting comments on videos, you'll know your brain has been irreparably damaged.
DO NOT WATCH DAYTIME TV- It is an indisputable fact that watching anything that airs on basic cable between the hours of 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. will make you stupid.
GET A HOBBY- But hobbies are for losers, you might be thinking. Well guess what, Bucko... you're a loser now! You don't even wear pants anymore, for crying out loud! You need to find something to do with yourself! I recommend choosing some form of exercise as a hobby, because you're probably fat now from all the Doritos, cheap booze, and video games.
GO OUTSIDE- Not only because a little fresh air and sunshine will awaken your senses, but because you probably smell terrible from wearing the same clothes and sitting on your ass all week... you could stand to air out a little.
KEEP LOOKING FOR WORK- We both know you're worthless. You'll need to trick people into thinking you're capable of doing things. That's going to require some brain power. Also, looking for work reinforces the idea that you're not going to be unemployed forever. At some point, you will re-enter society. There's hope for you yet, if you can keep your brain (or what's left of it) alive.
Heed my advice! If you don't, you'll become totally useless, like an Apple store in Amish country. Or some other thing that is also useless.
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