Hey. Heeeeeeey. I know things are hard for you, Unemployed Person. All of your friends with jobs are looking forward to the weekend, and you barely know what day of the week it is (Thursday). Your friends are deciding which bar to go to tonight, and you're deciding which flavor of Doritos you want to eat for dinner (Cool Ranch). Yes, things are rough. But they could be worse. Here's a list of 5 jobs that are more depressing than being unemployed.
5. A Crack Whore- Because you're trading sex for crack.
4. Hoda Kotb- Because she co-hosts the last hour of The Today Show with Kathie Lee Gifford. Her whole job is shouting whatever's on the teleprompter as a drunk Kathie Lee runs around berating her and doing whatever the hell she wants.
3. The President- Because no matter what you do, half of the country will hate you. And imagine the stress of straightening out a country that's more of a tangled mess than Ke$ha's hair (aw $nap!).
2. A Stripper Working the Tuesday Afternoon Shift- Because not only are you a stripper, you're a terrible stripper. Plus, think about the kind of people who would go to strip clubs on a weekday afternoon. Yikes.
1. Batman- Because you're a millionaire, but you can't even enjoy it. You have to use that money to build these crazy crime-fighting contraptions. A piece of your heart was blasted away by the same gun that murdered your parents all those years ago. You don a silly costume night after night as you beat criminals within an inch of their lives, hoping against hope it will fill that hole in your heart. But guess what? That hole can never be filled. Also, how much of a dick is The Joker?
There you have it. You have no money, prospects, or anything resembling a social life, but you're not a crack whore. So you've got that going for you.
5. A Crack Whore- Because you're trading sex for crack.
4. Hoda Kotb- Because she co-hosts the last hour of The Today Show with Kathie Lee Gifford. Her whole job is shouting whatever's on the teleprompter as a drunk Kathie Lee runs around berating her and doing whatever the hell she wants.
3. The President- Because no matter what you do, half of the country will hate you. And imagine the stress of straightening out a country that's more of a tangled mess than Ke$ha's hair (aw $nap!).
2. A Stripper Working the Tuesday Afternoon Shift- Because not only are you a stripper, you're a terrible stripper. Plus, think about the kind of people who would go to strip clubs on a weekday afternoon. Yikes.
1. Batman- Because you're a millionaire, but you can't even enjoy it. You have to use that money to build these crazy crime-fighting contraptions. A piece of your heart was blasted away by the same gun that murdered your parents all those years ago. You don a silly costume night after night as you beat criminals within an inch of their lives, hoping against hope it will fill that hole in your heart. But guess what? That hole can never be filled. Also, how much of a dick is The Joker?
There you have it. You have no money, prospects, or anything resembling a social life, but you're not a crack whore. So you've got that going for you.
I. am. dying!
ReplyDelete#Dead
ReplyDelete