Author's Note: I have never lied at a job interview, and I never will. I am simply writing these tips for people who do not have as rich a work history as I do. Not everyone was a member of the Navy Seal team that got Bin Laden or helped to develop the AIDS vaccine.
SCENARIO 1: They want someone bilingual. You speak English and took a Spanish class in high school, but everything beyond how to count to 10 is a distant memory.
SHOULD I LIE? No.
WHY/WHY NOT? They will find out. You will look like an idiot, or as the Spanish say "el dumbasso". See? That wasn't even real Spanish. Not that it makes any difference to you, dumbass.
SCENARIO 2: They want someone with experience. You don't have it.
SHOULD I LIE? It depends on what the job is. Ask yourself if doing so could put your life or the lives of others at risk. A minimum wage waitressing gig? Lie. Electrician? Don't lie.
WHY/WHY NOT? You'll figure out how to be a waitress pretty quickly (and if you don't, the worst thing that will happen is you'll get fired). You won't figure out how to be an electrician (and if you try, you might die).
SCENARIO 3: They want somebody "passionate about ________". You do not give a shit about whatever _______ is.
SHOULD I LIE? Are you stupid? Yes!
WHY/WHY NOT? Oh, sweet unemployed person. Do you want this job? Then you have to at least pretend to care. Doing so will slowly chip away at your soul, but being able to afford food and a place to live will slightly numb the pain. Chances are you will spend much of your life pretending to care about something stupid as you become a corporate drone and your dreams become a distant memory. Is this sad? Yes. But it is less sad than homelessness. So stop being idealistic, and get a fucking job. Dumbasso.
SCENARIO 1: They want someone bilingual. You speak English and took a Spanish class in high school, but everything beyond how to count to 10 is a distant memory.
SHOULD I LIE? No.
WHY/WHY NOT? They will find out. You will look like an idiot, or as the Spanish say "el dumbasso". See? That wasn't even real Spanish. Not that it makes any difference to you, dumbass.
SCENARIO 2: They want someone with experience. You don't have it.
SHOULD I LIE? It depends on what the job is. Ask yourself if doing so could put your life or the lives of others at risk. A minimum wage waitressing gig? Lie. Electrician? Don't lie.
WHY/WHY NOT? You'll figure out how to be a waitress pretty quickly (and if you don't, the worst thing that will happen is you'll get fired). You won't figure out how to be an electrician (and if you try, you might die).
SCENARIO 3: They want somebody "passionate about ________". You do not give a shit about whatever _______ is.
SHOULD I LIE? Are you stupid? Yes!
WHY/WHY NOT? Oh, sweet unemployed person. Do you want this job? Then you have to at least pretend to care. Doing so will slowly chip away at your soul, but being able to afford food and a place to live will slightly numb the pain. Chances are you will spend much of your life pretending to care about something stupid as you become a corporate drone and your dreams become a distant memory. Is this sad? Yes. But it is less sad than homelessness. So stop being idealistic, and get a fucking job. Dumbasso.
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