As your life becomes increasingly complicated, you might start to wish you could go back to the days when you had no responsibilities, when Hey Arnold! was on all the time, and when buying candy was your top financial priority. If you ever feel like talking about how much you miss your childhood, DON'T. Nostalgia is annoying. Here are 5 reasons your childhood was not as awesome as you think it was:
5. You were stupid looking- Take out your middle school yearbook. What do the goths, nerds, losers, and cool kids have in common? They all look terrible. Look at your picture. Your clothes are ridiculous. You have (or need) braces. Your hair is inexplicable. MAYBE you were cute in elementary school, but as a rule, between the ages of 11-16 you look horrendous. Even if you live to be 100, you'll never look as stupid as you did back then.
4. Your favorite shows now are better than your favorite shows then- Yes, we all loved Doug, but try to watch it now... You might get through one or two episodes (it's still a pretty enjoyable show), but wouldn't you rather be watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia or Mad Men? And don't say "They don't make shows like ______ anymore" because they do. You're just too mature to appreciate them.
3. The internet was slow as shit- Imagine you're 12 years old. You want to listen to, I don't know, Clay Aiken's performance of "Build Me Up Buttercup" from last night's American Idol. You have dial-up internet, so you have to explain to your mom that she won't be able to make or receive phone calls for at least the next hour. Youtube doesn't exist yet, so you open Kazaa and search for your file. A half hour later you find it and start downloading. As you wait, you talk to your BFF on AIM, who tells you they heard that the person you like like only likes you as a friend. Bummer. Perhaps an upbeat rendition of an old pop tune would make you feel better! Too bad the song is only 5% downloaded. By the time the song has downloaded, it's your brother's turn to use the computer. You don't have an iPod yet, and you don't have a blank CD, so you have no way of listening to the song now. Sad story. But that sort of thing will never happen to you again.
2. You had no control over your diet- It didn't matter if you were in the mood for pasta, or if you didn't like meat loaf. You ate what your parents made you. End of story. Now, if you want to eat ice cream for dinner, YOU CAN. You don't have to ask your mom if you can get candy at the store... you just buy it and enjoy it whenever you feel like it. Yes, it sucks that you have to buy your own food, but at least you're in control. No more casseroles unless YOU WANT casserole.
1. The F-Word was your enemy- There's no getting around it... "fuck" is a wonderful word. You can't use it all the time, but you CAN use it without fear of being sent to your room without dessert. You CAN go to movies that use that word more than three times without having to beg your parents to buy tickets for you. The next time something makes you angry, shout "FUCK!". You've earned that right. You deserve it. It will make you feel better. The best part? Now that you're an adult, not only can you SAY the F-Word, you can go out and FIND someone to F-word... provided you stop talking about how awesome your Pokemon card collection was and start appreciating adulthood.
5. You were stupid looking- Take out your middle school yearbook. What do the goths, nerds, losers, and cool kids have in common? They all look terrible. Look at your picture. Your clothes are ridiculous. You have (or need) braces. Your hair is inexplicable. MAYBE you were cute in elementary school, but as a rule, between the ages of 11-16 you look horrendous. Even if you live to be 100, you'll never look as stupid as you did back then.
4. Your favorite shows now are better than your favorite shows then- Yes, we all loved Doug, but try to watch it now... You might get through one or two episodes (it's still a pretty enjoyable show), but wouldn't you rather be watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia or Mad Men? And don't say "They don't make shows like ______ anymore" because they do. You're just too mature to appreciate them.
3. The internet was slow as shit- Imagine you're 12 years old. You want to listen to, I don't know, Clay Aiken's performance of "Build Me Up Buttercup" from last night's American Idol. You have dial-up internet, so you have to explain to your mom that she won't be able to make or receive phone calls for at least the next hour. Youtube doesn't exist yet, so you open Kazaa and search for your file. A half hour later you find it and start downloading. As you wait, you talk to your BFF on AIM, who tells you they heard that the person you like like only likes you as a friend. Bummer. Perhaps an upbeat rendition of an old pop tune would make you feel better! Too bad the song is only 5% downloaded. By the time the song has downloaded, it's your brother's turn to use the computer. You don't have an iPod yet, and you don't have a blank CD, so you have no way of listening to the song now. Sad story. But that sort of thing will never happen to you again.
2. You had no control over your diet- It didn't matter if you were in the mood for pasta, or if you didn't like meat loaf. You ate what your parents made you. End of story. Now, if you want to eat ice cream for dinner, YOU CAN. You don't have to ask your mom if you can get candy at the store... you just buy it and enjoy it whenever you feel like it. Yes, it sucks that you have to buy your own food, but at least you're in control. No more casseroles unless YOU WANT casserole.
1. The F-Word was your enemy- There's no getting around it... "fuck" is a wonderful word. You can't use it all the time, but you CAN use it without fear of being sent to your room without dessert. You CAN go to movies that use that word more than three times without having to beg your parents to buy tickets for you. The next time something makes you angry, shout "FUCK!". You've earned that right. You deserve it. It will make you feel better. The best part? Now that you're an adult, not only can you SAY the F-Word, you can go out and FIND someone to F-word... provided you stop talking about how awesome your Pokemon card collection was and start appreciating adulthood.
No comments:
Post a Comment