Rich people beat the heat in a myriad of ways: traveling to exotic beaches, lounging poolside at a country club, or cranking up the AC in their mansions, occasionally looking out a window to chuckle at the overheated plebeians hired to tend to their lawns. Poor people cannot afford such luxuries. Here are some cheap and/or free ways a broke ass like yourself can stay cool.
BAG O' ICE- For a mere $2, you can buy a 10 pound bag of ice. I realize that eating cups of ice all day doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun, but it is a cost effective way of keeping cool. Plus it's a zero calorie way to stay hydrated, which is good news considering you've probably been spending your day sitting on your ass, sweating like a Kardashian in church.
GO SOMEPLACE AIR CONDITIONED. LOITER.- Museums and movie theaters are air conditioned, but tickets are usually $10 or more. A better idea is to go into a store and walk around, pretending to be looking for something. You can even pick up something small and pretend that you're planning on buying it as you meander down the aisles, enjoying the AC (just be sure to put it back before you leave- I'm not sure if jail is air conditioned). New York residents can just grab a book, head to the nearest subway station, and ride the air conditioned train all day long.
TAKE A COLD SHOWER- Not only because it will cool you down, but because you actually smell terrible right now.
DO NOT GO TO A PUBLIC POOL- You know who goes to public pools? Children, and irritable parents/babysitters who can't wait for summer vacation to end so they won't have to spend every waking minute trying to keep the little assholes entertained. Public pools are only fun for children, who view them as a big toilet that you can also play Marco Polo in.
DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE HEAT- We all know it's fucking hot outside. Your bitching is only making it worse. Stop acting like a whiny version of Al Roker, and chew on your damn ice.
BAG O' ICE- For a mere $2, you can buy a 10 pound bag of ice. I realize that eating cups of ice all day doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun, but it is a cost effective way of keeping cool. Plus it's a zero calorie way to stay hydrated, which is good news considering you've probably been spending your day sitting on your ass, sweating like a Kardashian in church.
GO SOMEPLACE AIR CONDITIONED. LOITER.- Museums and movie theaters are air conditioned, but tickets are usually $10 or more. A better idea is to go into a store and walk around, pretending to be looking for something. You can even pick up something small and pretend that you're planning on buying it as you meander down the aisles, enjoying the AC (just be sure to put it back before you leave- I'm not sure if jail is air conditioned). New York residents can just grab a book, head to the nearest subway station, and ride the air conditioned train all day long.
TAKE A COLD SHOWER- Not only because it will cool you down, but because you actually smell terrible right now.
DO NOT GO TO A PUBLIC POOL- You know who goes to public pools? Children, and irritable parents/babysitters who can't wait for summer vacation to end so they won't have to spend every waking minute trying to keep the little assholes entertained. Public pools are only fun for children, who view them as a big toilet that you can also play Marco Polo in.
DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE HEAT- We all know it's fucking hot outside. Your bitching is only making it worse. Stop acting like a whiny version of Al Roker, and chew on your damn ice.
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