Remember when you left for college? You had big dreams! And now, well... you've hardly set the world on fire. Face it kid: your dreams were stupid. But you'll be ok. Once a week, I'll help you numb the slow-burning pain of failure in a segment called "Coming to Terms with Your Broken Dreams".
Maybe your boss is a dick. Maybe you can't even find a job and are poverty-stricken. Maybe the thought of part-time lady-puncher/full-time Sisqo-lookalike Chris Brown getting what you get in 10 years in 2 days fills you with rage. The point is, sometimes reality can be a real downer. Sometimes, you might feel like all you do is lose lose lose, no matter what. Sometimes, you just need a win.
I know what you're thinking. But I'm such a loser! Can I really turn my whole life around? No, Assface. You're a loser. That will never change. Fortunately, you can change your definition of winning! You need to take your goals and downsize them, transforming them into something that even a schmuck like you can achieve. Allow me to show you what I mean...
THE GOAL: Get a job.
DOWNSIZE IT TO: Apply for a job.
WHY: Times is tough. Even qualified people are having a hard time finding work. If getting a job is your only objective, the rejection is going to sting. Lie to yourself. Tell yourself it's about the journey. Say, "Well, at least I applied. Maybe something else will open up!". If your goal is to apply for a job, once you send out your resume, you've succeeded! You've won! And it will hurt much less in the highly likely event that they hire somebody else.
THE GOAL: Make something of your life.
DOWNSIZE IT TO: Do something with your day.
WHY: You want it all: fame, fortune, a supermodel spouse, the ability to afford cereal that doesn't come in a bag... All of these things are nice, and they are all out of your reach. So put your effort into something you can actually do. You can't make a million dollars today, but you CAN do a load of laundry. Use fabric softener. Throw in a dryer sheet or two. You may not be on the cover of Forbes magazine, but you just did the shit out of your laundry! Celebrate with a bowl of Honey Nut Scooters.
Do you understand? To the outside world, your life might not look much different, but you'll know in your heart that you are a champion.
Maybe your boss is a dick. Maybe you can't even find a job and are poverty-stricken. Maybe the thought of part-time lady-puncher/full-time Sisqo-lookalike Chris Brown getting what you get in 10 years in 2 days fills you with rage. The point is, sometimes reality can be a real downer. Sometimes, you might feel like all you do is lose lose lose, no matter what. Sometimes, you just need a win.
I know what you're thinking. But I'm such a loser! Can I really turn my whole life around? No, Assface. You're a loser. That will never change. Fortunately, you can change your definition of winning! You need to take your goals and downsize them, transforming them into something that even a schmuck like you can achieve. Allow me to show you what I mean...
THE GOAL: Get a job.
DOWNSIZE IT TO: Apply for a job.
WHY: Times is tough. Even qualified people are having a hard time finding work. If getting a job is your only objective, the rejection is going to sting. Lie to yourself. Tell yourself it's about the journey. Say, "Well, at least I applied. Maybe something else will open up!". If your goal is to apply for a job, once you send out your resume, you've succeeded! You've won! And it will hurt much less in the highly likely event that they hire somebody else.
THE GOAL: Make something of your life.
DOWNSIZE IT TO: Do something with your day.
WHY: You want it all: fame, fortune, a supermodel spouse, the ability to afford cereal that doesn't come in a bag... All of these things are nice, and they are all out of your reach. So put your effort into something you can actually do. You can't make a million dollars today, but you CAN do a load of laundry. Use fabric softener. Throw in a dryer sheet or two. You may not be on the cover of Forbes magazine, but you just did the shit out of your laundry! Celebrate with a bowl of Honey Nut Scooters.
Do you understand? To the outside world, your life might not look much different, but you'll know in your heart that you are a champion.
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