Several of today's celebrities are in desperate need of career counseling. They need our help. This is why once a week I will provide some good old-fashioned (unsolicited) advice to a star in need.
Donald Trump seems to have it all... Buildings made of gold, a hit reality show, a fragrance sold at Macy's, a supermodel wife, and a head of hair so magnificent that it has its very own Facebook page. This is not enough for The Donald. He is dissatisfied to the point that he is threatening to run for president... if he can't be happy, he will make the entire United States miserable. Here is a list of 5 jobs Mr. Trump is perfectly suited for. Here's hoping he chooses one of these instead of prolonging his (and our) suffering by running for president.
Donald Trump seems to have it all... Buildings made of gold, a hit reality show, a fragrance sold at Macy's, a supermodel wife, and a head of hair so magnificent that it has its very own Facebook page. This is not enough for The Donald. He is dissatisfied to the point that he is threatening to run for president... if he can't be happy, he will make the entire United States miserable. Here is a list of 5 jobs Mr. Trump is perfectly suited for. Here's hoping he chooses one of these instead of prolonging his (and our) suffering by running for president.
5. Novelty Rapper: In the 90s, The Humpty Dance was a novelty rap sensation. Those days are long gone. It is time for The Trumpty Dance.
4. Star in a Crime Drama Series: Who got to the bottom of that whole Obama citizenship mystery? The Trumpster. His knack for solving mysteries and coming up with dope catchphrases makes him a natural for a starring role in a CSI type procedural. Criminals? (put sunglasses on) You're fired. YEEEEEEAH!!!
3. Start a Restaurant Chain: Like Hooters, but for Executives.
2. Start a Television Network: Like Oprah's network, but with less shows about preparing low calorie meals, and more shows about golf and boobs.
1. Buy an Island off of Costa Rica: Whether he chooses to build a dinosaur theme park or spend his days sipping tropical drinks while surrounded by women in bikinis is up to him. BUYING A PRIVATE ISLAND AND DOING WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT THERE IS THE ENTIRE POINT OF GETTING RICH.
Donald Trump doesn't need to run for president of the United States. He needs to be emperor of his own private island. It's the only way he'll ever be happy.
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