Several of today's celebrities are in desperate need of career counseling. They need our help. This is why once a week I will provide some good old-fashioned (unsolicited) advice to a star in need.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is the real world equivalent of Hansel from Zoolander... he's so hot right now. He just finished his last term as governor of California, he's the center of what is already being called the sex scandal of the year, and, perhaps best of all, he's back on the market. Like a futuristic cyborg on a mission, Arnold is unstoppable. What should he do with all this power? Here are a few suggestions...
5. Write a Tell-All Memoir- Let's face it- Maria Shriver's probably already penned a first draft of hers. Don't you want to hear both sides of the story? And for those of you who are worried Arnold might not be the best writer, I have two words: Audio Book.
4. Become an Exterminator- You know... because he used to be in the Terminator movies, making him an ex-terminator? Eh? Ehhh? Oh, shut up. You're not funny either.
3. Start Starring in Family Movies Again- Everybody agrees that Kindergarten Cop and Jingle All the Way were Schwarzenegger's most iconic films. Why not start making wacky movies the whole family can enjoy again? We know Arnold's a family man... that's why he has two of them.
2. Celebrity Fragrance- Usher, Diddy, and Donald Trump have 'em. And who wouldn't want to smell like a bodybuilder? Imagine the commercials for it: "Terminator... She'll be back."
1. Pageant Coach- Mr. Universe isn't technically a beauty pageant, but come on... it includes people walking around in outfits specifically designed to show off their hot bods which are being ranked by a panel of judges. It's pretty much the same thing. Arnold won the title of Mr. Universe decades ago, so he knows what it takes to be the best of the best. He should share that knowledge with beginners on the pageant circuit. I'm sure crazy parents would pay through the nose to have him teach their four year old beauty-queens-in-training how to appeal to judges. And how great would it be to see him on Toddlers and Tiaras?
Whichever path he chooses, Arnold won't fail. To him,Americans are like Skynet in Terminator 2... he's got us by the balls.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is the real world equivalent of Hansel from Zoolander... he's so hot right now. He just finished his last term as governor of California, he's the center of what is already being called the sex scandal of the year, and, perhaps best of all, he's back on the market. Like a futuristic cyborg on a mission, Arnold is unstoppable. What should he do with all this power? Here are a few suggestions...
5. Write a Tell-All Memoir- Let's face it- Maria Shriver's probably already penned a first draft of hers. Don't you want to hear both sides of the story? And for those of you who are worried Arnold might not be the best writer, I have two words: Audio Book.
4. Become an Exterminator- You know... because he used to be in the Terminator movies, making him an ex-terminator? Eh? Ehhh? Oh, shut up. You're not funny either.
3. Start Starring in Family Movies Again- Everybody agrees that Kindergarten Cop and Jingle All the Way were Schwarzenegger's most iconic films. Why not start making wacky movies the whole family can enjoy again? We know Arnold's a family man... that's why he has two of them.
2. Celebrity Fragrance- Usher, Diddy, and Donald Trump have 'em. And who wouldn't want to smell like a bodybuilder? Imagine the commercials for it: "Terminator... She'll be back."
1. Pageant Coach- Mr. Universe isn't technically a beauty pageant, but come on... it includes people walking around in outfits specifically designed to show off their hot bods which are being ranked by a panel of judges. It's pretty much the same thing. Arnold won the title of Mr. Universe decades ago, so he knows what it takes to be the best of the best. He should share that knowledge with beginners on the pageant circuit. I'm sure crazy parents would pay through the nose to have him teach their four year old beauty-queens-in-training how to appeal to judges. And how great would it be to see him on Toddlers and Tiaras?
Whichever path he chooses, Arnold won't fail. To him,Americans are like Skynet in Terminator 2... he's got us by the balls.
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