You may have noticed I haven't posted anything new in the past couple of days. Is it because I've found a job? Heavens, no. It is because I've spent the past few days doing something that is all too easy for the unemployed... I have been wallowing in my own despair.
I know what you're thinking... you're thinking Wow, that Adrienne chick is so deep. She's all brooding and interesting and sexy, like a female version of Ryan from the O.C. I want to be just like her. DO NOT ACT ON THESE THOUGHTS. There is nothing less attractive than sitting around moping and feeling sorry for yourself. If you answer yes to one or more of the following, it might already be too late for you.
I know what you're thinking... you're thinking Wow, that Adrienne chick is so deep. She's all brooding and interesting and sexy, like a female version of Ryan from the O.C. I want to be just like her. DO NOT ACT ON THESE THOUGHTS. There is nothing less attractive than sitting around moping and feeling sorry for yourself. If you answer yes to one or more of the following, it might already be too late for you.
AM I WALLOWING IN MY OWN DESPAIR TEST
In the past few days, have you:
-gone over 24 hours without leaving your house
-worn dirty clothes in public figuring that you have no one to impress anyway
-sent an email saying "FUCK YOU" to the writer of a craigslist post for a bogus job instead of just flagging the post
-watched more than 7 consecutive episodes of the same show, only stopping when your internet connection to netflix slows down and you realize you are hungry, thirsty, and have to pee worse than you ever have in your entire life
-sent out a text message only to worry a millisecond later that your phone was broken because you didn't get a response yet
-realized you've probably gained 5 pounds after thinking about all of crap you've eaten
-decided to continue eating crap using the logic that those last 5 pounds are supposed to be the hardest to lose anyway, so you might as well gain at least 6 pounds.
-become enraged when a stupid song by Black Eyed Peas comes on the radio, realizing that they have made more money from that stupid song than you will ever make in your entire life
-avoided your friends with real jobs
-felt jealous of people who haven't graduated yet because they still have their whole lives ahead of them
How did you do? Are you wallowing in your own despair? If so, don't worry... it's easy to fix. Take a fucking shower, put on some clean clothes, and quit your bitching. And for fuck's sake, put away the poptarts. They aren't making you any thinner.
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