CELEBRITY GROW UP GET A JOB: CLINT EASTWOOD

Many moons ago, when I was updating this shit on the regular, I had a weekly feature called "Celebrity Grow Up Get a Job" in which I came up with (HILARIOUS) career counseling for famous people. When Clint Eastwood gave his (HILARIOUS) speech at the Republican National Convention last week, I figured I'd give him some of my (HILARIOUS) advice.

(HILARIOUS)

I couldn't do it. Clint Eastwood is a BOSS. Not only is he one of America's best directors, he's DIRTY FUCKING HARRY, OKAY?? GET OFF HIS LAWN!

So he gave a dopey speech. So his own imagination told him to shut up... multiple times. Who cares? Clint Eastwood isn't running for anything. He doesn't wield any special political power- he's just a dude that can vote, and he happens to be voting Republican, like every other old rich white man ever.

Nobody in charge of the RNC should be surprised at Eastwood's speech. It was unrehearsed and unscripted. They handed an 82 year old man a microphone, and he proceeded to act like an 82 year old man. I don't see why this is a news story. I think that when people heard Clint Eastwood was speaking, they were expecting him to be more like Dirty Harry- a man of a few, well-chosen, bad-ass words. This is ridiculous for two reasons:

1. Dirty Harry is not real.
2. Dirty Harry was made over 40 years ago.

It's time to stop thinking of Clint Eastwood as a Dirty Harry style bad-ass, and to start thinking of him as America's bad-ass grandpa. Sure, he's a little crazy, but he's ours, you know? We'll put up with his rambling because of all he's given us. We'll love him even if he embarrasses us sometimes.

And did anyone actually watch the speech? The people in the audience loved it! It was a total crowd-pleaser! His jokes were bizarre, but the audience laughed. He didn't make any compelling arguments as to why someone should vote for Mitt Romney, but come on- everybody in that audience has already made their decision, and anyone watching at home who may have been on the fence wouldn't make a decision based on something that an actor/director said. And the part where he said "GO AHEAD" before leading the audience in a chorus of "MAKE MY DAY"? Awesome.

Let's not forget, there is an actual election going on this year, and Clint Eastwood has nothing to do with it. Maybe it's time to stop taking pictures of empty chairs (#EASTWOODING!) and start figuring out what each candidate is bringing to the table (good one, Adrienne!).

Also, since the RNC had Eastwood, I think the DNC should have a famous director speak... Quentin Tarantino. God help the invisible man in that chair.