A few months ago, I explained that part of the reason I stopped blogging was because my life was sort of a bummer. In retrospect, I probably should have taken that as a sign that I needed to reevaluate my life/get my shit together.
Instead, I just decided to ignore my life. Since I couldn't write about that (and since I had no money and a shitload of free time), I focused on fiction.
This happened around the time 50 Shades of Grey exploded all over America's face. This trashy women's novel was making somebody incredibly rich. I wanted to be incredibly rich. Suddenly, a brilliant idea slapped my mind with a riding crop and exploded all over my mind's face... I would write a trashy novel for men!
And so, Jack Bullet was born.
I've actually written a couple of chapters of this sweeping action epic, so I thought every week or so, I'd post another installment of what will come to be known as the greatest story ever told.
The post is going to be the author's note and the intro (which answers the question... WHO IS JACK BULLET?).
Here. We. Go.
Expect another post next week, unless I'm a multibillionaire by then.
Instead, I just decided to ignore my life. Since I couldn't write about that (and since I had no money and a shitload of free time), I focused on fiction.
This happened around the time 50 Shades of Grey exploded all over America's face. This trashy women's novel was making somebody incredibly rich. I wanted to be incredibly rich. Suddenly, a brilliant idea slapped my mind with a riding crop and exploded all over my mind's face... I would write a trashy novel for men!
A trashy men's novel wouldn't be some erotic fairytale fantasy... it would be all action all the time, all ass-kicking and name-taking and explosions and punching and tits and bald eagles! I set out to create the greatest action hero I could, certain that it would make me millions.
And so, Jack Bullet was born.
I've actually written a couple of chapters of this sweeping action epic, so I thought every week or so, I'd post another installment of what will come to be known as the greatest story ever told.
The post is going to be the author's note and the intro (which answers the question... WHO IS JACK BULLET?).
Here. We. Go.
AUTHOR’S
NOTE
STRAP ON A FUCKING HELMET BECAUSE “THE STORIES OF JACK BULLET” ARE GOING TO BLOW YOUR MIND OUT OF
YOUR FUCKING SKULL.
SERIOUSLY, IF YOU’RE A PUSSY YOU’D BETTER PUT THIS SHIT DOWN RIGHT NOW. THIS IS NOT YOUR CUP OF LUKEWARM
CHAMOMILE TEA.
STILL
READING?
APOLOGIZE TO YOUR PANTS. YOU’RE ABOUT TO SHIT ‘EM.
WHO
IS JACK BULLET?
JACK BULLET IS ONE BAD MOTHER. HE IS A MAN WITHOUT A GOD. HE IS
A MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY. HE IS A MAN WHO LIVES BY ONE RULE AND ONE RULE ONLY…
JUSTICE MUST
PREVAIL.
JACK BULLET HAS THE BODY OF VIN DIESEL, THE SWAGGER OF IDRIS
ELBA, THE SMIRK OF JASON STATHAM, AND 10 TIMES THE RAGE OF A SCREAMING SAMUEL
L. JACKSON. HE DOES NOT PREFER HIS MARTINI TO BE SHAKEN OR STIRRED BECAUSE JACK BULLET KNOWS THAT CLEAR LIQUOR IS FOR
BITCHES.
JACK BULLET MOVES WITH THE QUIET, LETHAL GRACE OF A JUNGLE CAT.
HE FIGHTS WITH THE UNBRIDLED FURY OF A WILDFIRE. EVERY PUNCH HE THROWS LANDS ON
ITS VICTIM WITH THE DEVASTATING FORCE OF A TSUNAMI.
JACK BULLET IS NOT A MAN TO CROSS. WHEN HE IS NOT KICKING ASS
AND TAKING NAMES, HE IS FUCKING YOUR GIRLFRIEND. EVERY WOMAN THAT HE’S EVER
BEEN WITH WOULD ARGUE THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY MEN THEY’VE HAD BEFORE HIM, THEY
WERE VIRGINS UNTIL JACK BULLET.
AS FAR AS HUMANITY IS CONCERNED, JACK BULLET IS EVERY BIT AS
DANGEROUS AND ESSENTIAL AS THE SUN.
JACK
BULLET IS THE
MAN.
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